Thursday, November 5, 2009

Reader Discression Advised...

This is a story for people who know and love me and KNOW my sick potty humor. It gets sick, so this story is intended for mature audiences only. (Or immature audiences..)

My Pee Pee Story

So I had my first Pregnancy/going to explode/I have to pee so bad experience today that I have to just laugh at myself for. I love to hear other peoples stories like this so I thought I might share mine.

It goes like this.

I went out to lunch with a friend and had a nice big cup of herbal tea. Like 16 oz. Then the tea made me REALLY hot and I was wanting something cool to drink. So for $1 I found satisfaction in a 32 oz cup of ice water. Drank it all. It was gooood. I knew it would run through me, but I thought I had some time. (NEVER think this when your pregnant)

After walking around the mall for awhile with my friend I left her to go pick up Ryan from the airport. I felt fine in the car, so I wasn't worried. After picking up Ryan we decided where we were going to go eat (I swear I don't spend all day eating), and we headed to the restaurant. Then it started to hit, and then it hit hard. I became really grumpy really fast, and my sweet husband, who was so happy to see me and wanting to pepper me with kisses was a little bummed that I kept pushing him away. I was getting grumpy. Then the place HE recommended that I swore would have a long wait DID have a long wait. I told you so!

We changed plans and headed further down the road. At this point I was leering at each gas station we passed, each fast food restaurant that I knew I could sneak in and pee. I was even looking for empty fields to empty my "field" in. "No" I kept telling myself, I am a strong and prideful woman and I can wait 5 minutes till I get out OUR restaurant.

I was ready to kill my husband for every kiss and mention of his boring job, and finally I gave in. Literally 4 blocks from our restaurant I pulled into McDonald's parking lot. The first thing I saw when I walked in the door was the ladies restroom beckoning. The angels sang. I pee'd. I sang. It was sadly the most satisfying experience I've had since....I don't remember when.

When I got back out to the car, my dear Ryan was the most handsome and sweet husband a girl could have ever asked for. I kissed him, and smiled at him. I welcomed him home. I was going to be OK.

So, the moral of the story is there's NO happy drug like an empty bladder. Remember this when life gets hard, and you can't think clearly. Fighting with your spouse? Go to the bathroom! Life is always better on the other side of the stall.


  1. We've done many McDonald's stops this pregnancy; it's my preference over gas stations.

    I love your last statements, an empty bladder is heavenly! :D

  2. Hello!!!! Where have I been????? You are preggers?! Congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. Hmmm, so every time me and the husband are fighting big time, I just need to go to the bathroom! Ha ha

  4. Hahahahaha! I remember those horrible days when I had ultrasounds and had to drink a ton of water and then had to hold it in while they pressed on my bladder! Peeing never felt so good! :)